Are you angry at the world?

Do you get angry at people? Do certain things just set you off completely? I have this problem all the time. I have an anger problem too. Anyone who is very close to me knows that pretty quickly I can go from “highest self-woo-woo Morgan” to the “She-Hulk Version of Morgan.” I have been working on this part of myself for a long time and I have been able to improve my behavior but sometimes it still rears its ugly head. When it does, I know I have to go back to work. I have to figure out what is being aggravated and work to heal that wound. It can be a painful process but a necessary one to keep growing and evolving. I am not the same person I was 2 months ago because I do this work to improve myself.

Anger can’t exist on its own. It is fueled by sadness. It is fueled by a core wound being aggravated. This is a great clue into how to deal with anger if you suffer from its consequences, as I do.

By the way, “anger problem” may not mean getting violent or screaming at people. It could be bottling it up and fuming on your own or turning the anger into passive-aggressive behavior. It can look like a lot of things. There is no one way to be angry.

Many people call this state being triggered. Essentially, being triggered means that your core wounds have been triggered and they are activated. When those core wounds are activated, they cause us to feel a certain way and then lash out in ways that we usually despise. This lash out is a way that we learned to protect ourselves over time. Usually, when we are triggered, we are angry at ourselves for being triggered in the first place. However, that anger gets misplaced and thrown onto someone or something outside of ourselves. It’s a beautiful circle that our young self-developed subconsciously to protect ourselves. Although, we [and I] hate this cycle we have to also be in awe of it. After all, it has protected us. It has kept us safe. But now we have to work to change that cycle in order to heal our wounds and grow.

Please be aware that these wounds can take years to heal. The fact that you are trying to deal with them and heal sets you apart from others. Here are my ways of diving deep into those wounds to help heal them:

1. When you feel the anger, take a deep breath to help regulate your stress levels. This will calm you down.

2. Remind yourself that this is just a trigger. You don’t have to respond.

3. Walk away and disengage [this is the hardest part and the part I fail at the most]. Usually, this is hard because we want to prove a point to the other person. We want to win an argument. If you don’t disengage, then follow steps 4 to 6.

4. Journal with these questions:

   1. When did I first feel this as a child?

   2. What needs were not being met at that time?

   3. Why did I create a protection technique? Did I learn it from a parent figure?

   4. What was it about this specific situation that triggered me?

   5. How can I respond in the future?

5. Forgive yourself for the outburst.

6. Then apologize to the person that triggered you, if it is safe to do so. This step is actually for YOU. It’s important to right your wrongs. If you are mean to someone, be the bigger person and apologize. Even if you were passive-aggressive, be open about how you feel. Unloading in this way and apologizing will make you feel better. Being perfect is not a requirement to be human.

It is a process that can take a lot of time but an important one none the less. Feel free to contact me here if you want to go deeper into healing these core wounds with coaching.