The Truth about Confidence
More confidence is something everyone wants but is very hard to gain. Confidence is that elusive feeling that comes and goes and we have no idea why? We try to be more confident but often fail. The reason is that we fundamentally misunderstand what it means to “gain confidence”. We think it is something we can get more of by making ourselves feel better, but confidence is actually just a byproduct of something else. It is an innocent bystander that 100% depends on self-worth. The added head-scratcher is that self-worth can rollercoaster up and down with the slightest influence. The only way to increase your confidence is to understand on a very deep level what you actually think of yourself and understand that on a moment-to-moment basis too.
For example, what happens in your head and body when you have made a mistake? You probably begin to feel bad about yourself, so your self-worth decreases and so does your confidence. That is because we are drilled at a young age, that when we make a mistake it is our fault! We turn that fault into blame, and it turns into anger, shame, sadness, or embarrassment towards ourselves aka “feeling bad”. That is how we are taught to deal with mistakes as a kid. The good news is there is a different way. Whenever, you make a mistake blame the mistake, not you. That is why the greatest performances always say there are no failures, only lessons learned. Because they know the secret to staying confident is learning from a mistake, not getting emotional around it, and blaming themselves.
When we begin this practice and re-wire our brain, we can stay confident. As we all know, when we stay confident, we can perform at a much higher level. So how do we do this? After you have made a mistake, fail at something, lag behind, don’t do your best, etc. take this route:
Feel the emotion that is coming up from that experience. Is it anger? Sadness? Feel the emotion and allow it to truly flow through you.
Avoid putting a story to do the emotion like “I suck” or “What is wrong with me” but just feel it. At this stage, you need to calm your mind so meditating or moving your body will help, whichever you prefer.
Once the emotion has subsided, ask yourself “What have I learned from this experience?”
Journal the answer and ask yourself “How will you change this next time?”
Take action to set yourself up for success next time.
Feel pride for achieving your new mindset!
It will take time to re-wire your brain to do this process automatically so be gentle with yourself. If you want to live your life at the top of your game, set up a free 30-minute chat with me here to see if Coaching is right for you!
